Stuck in this shape shifting space that inflates and deflates around me

I am watchful, I am anxious, I am happy, I am still, I am … I am …

I am … bloated


Not just with food
with facts … layered like a never ending sandwich
from first thing in the morning
to last thing at night
I crave them
I search for them
I’m addicted
I reason that
… it’s not optional
It’s literally
Life
or
Death.


Feed me more.

Feed me more.


Then.
Then.
Then… it becomes too much to consume
I feel sick
My mind is infected with
Facts
Faces
Names
Cares
Tears
Fears

So I unplug
And sit in the bath

For ages multiplied by ages

I stay

Underneath the stillness of the water

Everything is upside down


I see
my solitary quietness
I see
the verdant aloe vera plant
duplicated
from the window sill
into the shimmer of the water
hardly wrinkled by time
or space
I see
that I have found an oasis

that I do not want to leave

I inhale and …

hold my breath to capture now for ever

Struggling to be still

I exhale tears

they merge with the water

The light from outside

pours in through the dappled window

without invitation

bathing me again

this time with warm hope

I sense a new day has broken through the darkness

With the facts locked away

in a part of this small space now invisible to me

I luxuriate in the buoyancy of my womb-like existence

heavy facts are banished


from my mind

One more minute


one more minute

one

more

minute …